Your stomach is an oil spill of Christmas biscuits and tequila, and your skull feels like it's filled with pulsing concrete. Looks like 2019, baby!
For many, the New Year's Day hangover is as well-known as the Times Square Ball Drop – but with less Auld Lang Syne and more watered-down Gatorade. Fortunately, Netflix and Hulu provide a lot of phenomenal content that helps us move through our mornings / afternoons / Thousands of thousands of misery.
Broken down into specific situations after the party, here are 19 movies streamed that will help you to overcome your hangover problems. Godspeed, you warrior.
You are evil
When it comes to pinpointing the lousy movie experience, your film of choice must be so engaging that it does not want to distract you, but not as hard as the special effects that transform your couch into Space Mountain. Here are a few picks that fit the bill:
This timeless duel between social worker Jim McAllister (Matthew Broderick) and student icon Tracy Flick (Reese Witherspoon) is now pouring onto Hulu. You think modern politics meets Mean Girls and Nebraska.
Silver Linings Playbook (2012)
The dramatic comedy that gave Jennifer Lawrence her Oscar, this love story / Ode to the Philadelphia Eagles / special edition of Dancing with the Stars, was streamed to Netflix.
I, Tonya (2017)
At the height of the skating season, this biographical film by Olympic figure skater Tonya Harding (Margot Robbie) is about Hulu. Attention: There is a very serious knee injury and also an unbearably cute bird.
The theory of everything (2014)
Another biopic, this drama describing the life of theoretical physicist Stephen Hawking, is now streaming on Netflix. Eddie Redmayne, who has won an Oscar for his role as Hawking, shines throughout. You will hardly remember how much you want to give yourself.
You have a bad headache.
First drink some water. Second, choose a movie that gently strokes your mother's hair as you nestle a kitten on a velvety cloud of butterfly kisses. Maybe one of the following feel-good strips will suffice:
If there's a movie that can quietly make anyone sleep, it's big. A child ages overnight in Tom Hanks and spends his time playing things like a giant piano. Now streamed on Hulu.
Hearts beat loudly (2018)
Nick Offerman is a smart dad who plays guitar and has a vinyl shop. Do I have to say more? This heartfelt love letter to fathers and daughters is now pouring on Hulu.
Midnight in Paris (2011)
The only thing not quite pleasing about this Owen Wilson movie is the intolerability of Rachel McAdams' character. (It's okay, that's the point.) She's doing a great job.) Perfect to remember better times – like the fourth shot of peppermint schnapps – this nostalgic comedy is now pouring onto Hulu.
Mum Mia! (2008)
You need to watch the volume on this page, but no amount of Tylenol can be compared to the healing benefits of ABBA. You will laugh, you will cry, you will probably call your father. Now stream to Netflix.
You revel in your shame.
You do not know exactly what, but something tells you that it should be very embarrassing. Luckily, Hollywood is full of characters doing things that are far more degrading than the garbage you took last night. Try some of these "well, at least I did not do that" say:
One thing you did not do last night: Become a giant robot and then destroy the city of Seoul. The complete incarnation of the question, "What did I do when I was drunk?" Colossal is now pouring on Hulu.
Ingrid Goes West (2017)
Last night, you probably did not put a mace in the face of an unsuspecting bride … but if you did, you can at least contact Ingrid (Aubrey Plaza). Now streamed on Hulu.
To all the boys I loved before (2018)
Note to myself: Do not write love letters to anyone you ever fall in love with, cover them in addressed envelopes and just let them around to be sent accidentally. Your clumsy midnight kiss could not have been worse (or as sweet) as Lara Jean Covey's infatuations now pouring into Netflix.
I love you, man (2009)
If you did not buy a set of billboards last night, nothing you've done is more embarrassing than Peter Klaven's character sheet in I Love You, Man. This classic Aughts comedy starring Paul Rudd and Jason Segel runs on Netflix.
You have to go sober now.
Maybe it was not such a great idea to schedule a brunch with your partner's parents for January 1st. Anyway, you have about three hours to get the first impression and be honest? You are still a little bit drunk. Try a coffee and stream one of those intense, immersive dramas to get your blood flowing:
District 9 (2009)
Nothing says, "Wow, I should be more careful!" How an alien invasion turned into an allegory of human rights. A bit too real, this disturbing found footage project is now streamed to Netflix.
The hateful eight (2015)
Just a shot of whiskey (or a fall from a horse) could wake you up like Quentin Tarantino's critically acclaimed western. With Samuel L. Jackson, Kurt Russell, Jennifer Jason Leigh and five other talented actors, this raging journey is available on Netflix.
No Country for Old Men (2007)
Based on Cormac McCarthy's novel of the same name, this terrible thriller storms Javier Bardem and a surprising application of compressed air. They were warned: it's going to be tough. Now on Netflix.
You try the hair of the dog strategy.
Sometimes the only solution to too many celebrations is more celebration. But do not do it alone. Instead, accompany one of those wild, cinematic nights to your wild, dull morning. Happy new year, you filthy beast.
At our first meeting (2018)
Groundhog's Day, but with romance and liquor! This Adam DeVine comedy reiterates the same party just as you are doing with this wine residue. Streaming on Netflix.
Magic Mike (2012)
Unlike the hard hard abdominal muscles of Channing Tatum, Magic Mike just does not grow old. If it's noon and you make a beer, there's no reason you're not interested in easy stripping – and no less from your comfy sofa. Streaming on Netflix.
The night (2015)
With Jason Schwartzman in his most ridiculous role since Scott Pilgrim, The Overnight is a super-funny drum and alcohol-infused playdate that turns innocuous fun into a captivating fever dream. It's a ride that is now streamed to Netflix.
The Big Lebowski (1998)
If you're looking for a hangover coach, you're in the right place at The Dude. This cult classic of the Coen brothers is an ode to enlightenment, frost and interior design. Now stream to Netflix.